Where It Belongs
by xin79
Summary: And what if its too premature, what if he is not ready, what if you are not ready? An M/N fanfic.


You stared at the clothes in front of you, hands on your hips, face deeply set with your eyes echoing the perplexity you were feeling deep inside. You had set it at the back of your mind for the longest time, trying to reason your way out of it, five months of reasoning to be exact. But when he left a few hours ago to attend a friend's wedding rehearsal, you knew today would be the day. No more kisses to smoothen your worries, no more caresses to make you forget or distract you to your wits end, no, today will be the day. So when you saw his shirt and boxers lying in the corner of your somewhat shared bedroom you had to ask yourself once again- _what shall you do with it?_

It is a very simple question whose answers may not be so simple to comprehend. You have been an independent woman for so long after all, not even Vincent Marsh could change that. You prided yourself with it too, but when it came to him, you were always at a loss. It has come to your senses as of late that no matter how hard you try to do the most logical thing, you always end up with the decisions that makes your heart almost leap out of your chest and do a cart wheel.

And it is not just about the clothes, he is everywhere in your house. A realization that has added to your confusion. You were never one for beers preferring a nice bottle of wine or a glass of scotch if the need arises. But ever since you've been seeing him, your refrigerator has never ran out of the cold bitter brew, a thought that has come to your senses one time as you picked it up from a shelf in the supermarket together with your weekly list. And if that has not caused you an aneurysm, then surely the little toothbrush beside yours in the counter of your bathroom had surely done it. It was not suppose to stay for a couple of days but when the time came to throw it out you could not resist but put on a new one for him. And that's not all, even now as you think of all these things you could not deny the pleasant smell of coffee permeating throughout the apartment. You don't even drink coffee! Sure, the bed is made a little bit differently this time and the music in your surround sound system has had a few updates and even if you can't tolerate the smell of Old Spice you still bought a new one the other day. It was these thoughts that caused your headache for a week now and frankly you've had just about enough of it.

You are too old for these things, you say once again but when it came to matters of the heart, no one is really that old. Thus, your present dilemma. _Do you love him?_ Sure you've uttered those words to him a few times, him saying it more often than you do. Still, that does not change the fact that you love him and you hope your actions are enough to get it across. But love is one thing, taking the next step is another. You have never really shared your home with anyone save for Roman. Sure you have welcomed guests and a few lovers, but none like this one. Because then you were always cautious; you didn't bare yourself to them, _you put up your guard_. With him, its different. _It has always been different._ You have shared your soul to him, even the nasty once you didn't want to admit-you told him. And even then he still showed that he cares for you and none of it changes the way he feels about you. So naturally you grow more scared. Because sooner or later you know you will reach this point. _And what if its too premature, what if he is not ready, what if you are not ready?_ All these thoughts were swirling in your head only to be interrupted by the ringing of your phone. It was him telling you he missed you already and promising that he would be home soon. _Home_. What does that mean? Does it mean that he will be back in the city soon? Or does he mean that he will be at her house soon?

It would have been easy to just ask him to move in already, but you aren't sure if you are ready for that. It has only been five months and you have never met anyone before whom you seriously considered making a house let alone a home with. Add to the fact that this was _him_. Your late thirty something (you _could not even say what you were_ ) lover/co-worker/possibly partner whose life is so full ahead of him. What if you do decide to move in together and then what? _What if he wants a family (something you aren't sure you can provide_ )? You can't open your heart like that again, you aren't sure if you can handle it.

Looking at the clothes once again, you finally decided that a nice cup of tea at your favorite coffee shop would do you well. Just a time for yourself. Calls were unanswered and text messages were not returned for a few hours and once evening came, you already felt rejuvenated. Nothing like a cup of tea and a little bit of shopping to do the trick. Still, you were on the edge. And when the front door creaked (you _gave him a key a few months ago_ ) you knew what was about to come.

"I'm in here." You called softly, seeing the pointlessness of letting him wonder where you are. The moment he entered the bedroom, you could already see the relief in his face, his smile growing bigger. He moves towards you, his arms ready to envelope you in a hug and you obliged. For a few moments, he held you, burying his nose at the crook of your neck, recharging as he would frequently say. You too could not deny the effect he has on you. For in that moment, you felt at peace no matter how confused you might have been a few hours prior.

He pulled away gently, seeking your lips to give you a proper hello and you welcomed him, keeping it chaste.

"I was worried. You didn't reply to my messages or answered my calls." He said as you pulled apart.

"I went shopping." You provided loosening your grip on him as you moved outside your bedroom and into the kitchen. You poured yourself a glass of wine, offering him a sip which he took gladly. Still, you saw the worry in his eyes. "How was the rehearsal dinner?"

"It was fine. I still can't believe they are about to get married though." He replied listlessly, more focused on you instead of the conversation.

For a moment, both of you stayed silent. There's no use denying the fact that you have something in mind. He already senses it but he is just waiting for you to open up. Taking another sip of your wine, you reach for his hand after, guiding him back towards the bedroom. He was confused, that much you knew, but he was trying to be patient and for that, you could not help but stroke the back of his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Why do I have a feeling you are about to break up with me." He said lightly, trying to brighten up your mood. He was confident you weren't that is why he said it. You gave him a look and that efficiently caused him to be more serious. A flash of worry once again made its way to his face as you stopped in the middle of the room.

You pointed towards the closet urging him to go in. Once he saw what you meant, you had a hard time reading him. _Was this too premature? Is he ready for this? What if this is not what he wanted?_

You had stood beside him up to this point, too afraid to turn around and look at him. But once it was clear he was waiting for you, you had no other option but to meet his gaze. He was confused. Why wouldn't he be? He was looking at an empty shelf for Christ sake.

You looked at him unsurely, afraid your voice might fail you.

"I emptied a shelf for you so you have a place to put your clothes, you know, specially when you stay over."

The confusion on his face eventually started to fade. At the corners of his mouth was the beginning of a smile and before long, he was smiling openly at you.

"Yeah sure." He began trying to be nonchalant about it, aware how stressed and what a big step it must have been for you. "I mean..."

At a loss for words for once, he reached for you, kissing you on the lips. You can feel his growing smile and slowly, all your uncertainties are dissipating.

Sure, there will be times where you would hate that he snores or he can't stand that you keep the lights on when you sleep, or what channel you both should watch when you are not too busy making love. And sure you will have moments where you would feel that the room is not big enough for the both of you, but you are consoled with the fact that there is no rush. Baby steps that is. You will talk about moving in when the right time comes, but for now, both of you are just happy that for once, he knows where he will put his clothes. Not on his overnight bag or on the hallway closet or even at the back of her bedroom chair-no, this time, he has a place. This time, he can safely put it right where it belongs, beside yours in the bedroom closet.


End file.
